224) Agnes Brownes (now Swift’s) of Thomas Street, D8
A smelly old box you wouldn’t take a piss in. And yet, we pissed in it. A foul and rotting skank den. Nothing but a dark room with a counter. Try to avoid the shit-stained jacks. The bar consists of a few taps, some cackling hags, and a heavily stained carpet. Touch nothing, or use gloves. Tipplers Tip: Don’t have gloves? Use your socks and improvise a pair of glocks. A notice read: ‘Under New Management.’ But what is he managing? We took a Guinness and got the fuck out.
Named for comedian Brendan O'Carroll's insufferable sitcom character, who originated in a novel of the same name and was played in the first film version by Anjelica Huston, since incarnated by the actor-author himself in his awful popular show Mrs. Brown's Boys, an inexplicable hit across the pond but an insult to our nation, the 21st century's answer to the hoary old 'stage Irishman' of old.
Update as of Jan 2022: Agnes Brownes has had a full make over and a name change too, it’s now called The Magnet - but what calibre of barflies will stick to it? Most probably manboys bawling for board games and cocktails. Confidence was deeply dented when we found out this new bar is part of the Lucky’s group and therefore likely to be yet another craft-beer-cum-pizza-parlour. A mindless, mundane, tiresome formula. See the sorry footnote to The Lark Inn for more. Watch this space if we find ourselves arsed to go back for a revisit. Doubt it, though. #offended.
Wise to bring plenty on the way in
Update as of December 2023: Talk about eating (y)our words. The Magnet has somehow miraculously morphed into a thing called SWIFT. Nice to see the implicit callout to the nearby Cathedral’s long-dead Dean, the Travels of whose Gulliver bring so many tourists far and near to this city, to say nothing of his immodest proposals. One’s heart especially lifts when one sees the Beamish logo prominently displayed outside - signs of an impressive attempt at a comeback by the Cork stout - no longer may the Liberties be said to be bereft of said Elysian beverage. Said Beamish vends here for €6 - woof, but this is the thing - Dudley’s does the same, no less than the lovely Lawd Ned. Swift is too cool for school. Nice mixed crowd. Ye olde pub vibe crossed with NCAD zeitgeist meets trendy tourist abroad looking for the Guinness brewery. Caters for all sorts, in short - including some good folks recently released from the Joy and keen to spread the joy accordingly, with a jingle jangle and a winkle wangle.
Swift’s also does a pub quiz on Sundays - the Publopedians were proud to participate during June 2024, and even prouder to come second place, especially pleasing when you consider it was just our two busy brains (armed with naught but pen and paper and grey cells) against six biddies/bowsies making liberal use of their cheating phones, something the quizmaster was quick to point out to us (let’s just pause now and take a moment to savour and smell our cerebral farts for a little while). Some nice pics of rare auld times on the wall. It’s a definite improvement on what it was. So all in all, good on ya, Swift!
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