Previously known as The Glimmerman, and later, Francis McKenna's, currently called MVP, another in of the chain of pubs owned by the chronic Bodytonic group. With that said, this is the least despicable venue of a sorry pack. While it’s a trendy sort of upstart it’s better to have some sort of life back in a building than have it dead and derelict. With lots of reconstituted wood the design of the pub is uninspired. There’s an emphasis on a doggie-friendly policy which is a plus and cuddly balls of fluff have been seen to lick the black stuff (and not out of a bowl but out of the veritable pint glass itself).

The Guinness here is good, but expensive at €5.40 a pint (and has no doubt increased considerably since our last visit). Because of their affiliation, they’re more concerned about pushing upscale cocktails and highly inflated craft beers. Their ‘Spudbox’ is a solid offering of potato snacks with a selection of toppings, hence: ‘Man Versus Potato’ adorning the wall. We were made very welcome on our visit circa 2017 by staff who were warm and talkative and delighted in hearing us guess what the acronym MVP could possibly stand for [1]. Here are some of our well-oiled results: Most Valuable Player (sports), Music Video Producer (media), My Valve Prolapsed (medical), Maximize Vertical Potential (Alcoholics Anonymous), My Vulnerable Part (sex education), Manhole Ventilation Passthru (construction/an emission of wind from the anus), Money Very Promptly (economics/pimp), Making Vile Pubs (Bodytonic), Making Vegans Parp (vegetable fritters). 

There are many reasons why this pub wouldn’t become one’s local (for within spitting distance is the Harold House, the yin to MVP’s yang), but at least they haven’t transmogrified the upstairs area to another stupid Arcade Room [2] which would only serve to oblige the emotionally stunted men with mommy issues (video games are for the bedrooms of those who are self-partnering). Instead, the space plays host to several worthy social events such as Ukulele Sessions, Film Club, Bodhran Club, etc. Unlike other Bodytonic dives, they don't encourage patrons to play insufferable board games, although there is a chess set, but as Oisín Murphy-Hall of Totally Dublin has it: ‘if you play chess in here, you’ve already lost’.

They’re also host to DUBX, the first internet radio station in Ireland to broadcast out of a pub. And there’s more, showing an awareness of the area from which they benefit, they are trying to tackle a serious social problem. The nearby canal banks become heavily littered in summer by careless people drinking cans in the sun. ‘Bin it to Win it’ is an initiative whereby one can get special bags from MVP to fill with empties, and when returned to the pub, will receive a free pint for their pains [3]! 

On a disquieting note – at a time when the pub was called the Glimmerman (no relation to the pub of the same name in Stonybatter), it played host to a murder in 1994, when Tallaght native John Bolger, having previously been drinking with members of the INLA, was then shot dead outside the bar, reputedly as a result of a row that had developed when Bolger took a weapon without permission. The spiritually-minded may profess to feeling 'bad vibes' from the psychic vibrations left behind by the crime, but for the most part this murderous aura will have long dissipated for the regular wastrel for whom, as for Yeats, 'the veil is seldom lifted'.

Andrew Stephens feels his own special ‘bad vibes’ here but for very different reasons. Our visit to MVP saw him down too many whiskeys atop too many pints (while sensible Sam never has, nor never will, mingle with ‘the great malt which wounds’). Being too inebriated for a bus, he took off in a taxi and had a drunken ‘eureka moment’ in the cab when he told the driver to make an emergency stop at a life-saving fish and chipmongers. He paid his fare, bade the driver’s shadow farewell, and proceeded to fall through an open door demanding his chips be curried.

He slouched streetside, gorging, when a look of worry came over his saucy face. How now was he to get home? A new chauffeur was needed! Taxi ‘number two’ took him straight home to his door. It was at that moment he realised that between the first fare and his greasy half-eaten banquet, all his cash had been spent. The driver agreed to escort the drunk (and his cold chips) to the nearest cash point. ‘OUT OF ORDER’ said the ATM. They travelled on. ‘COMPUTER SAYS NO’ said the next one, ‘THOU SHALT NOT PASS’ - the one after that. All the while the cab’s meter was getting hotter, his fish and chips, cooler. He was running a marathon (unbeknownst to him) in which he had already fallen.

Tippler’s Tip: the only lesson we’ve learned is we’re not learning our lesson. But you can! For whenever one thinks of taking too many pints with whiskeys chasing, please, stop, think of Andrew’s adventure, think at what cost both physically and financially, and we beg of you to let his messy mistake be a caution to thee!

FOOTNOTES

[1] The yawning answer is: Minimum Viable Product. A boring business concept owner Trevor O’Shea was reading about whilst establishing the enterprise in 2014. Hence the construction of the ‘Minimal Viable Pub’ took only two weeks and cost as little as €5000, as if one couldn’t tell.

[2] See: The Square Ball.

[3] See their website for full terms and details: www.mvpdublin.com

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