56) The Bernard Shaw of South Richmond Street, D2
(Now permanently closed). Named for the famous playwright, who was born on nearby 33 Synge Street (ah, but was not Synge born on Shaw Street?), and whose famous quote 'Hell is full of musical amateurs; music is the brandy of the damned' is boldly daubed across a wall within. (It is ironic that Shaw should lend his name to a pub, being a lifelong teetotaler, encouraged in such abstinence by the early example of his alcoholic father George Carr Shaw.)
Teetotal Bernard Shaw with anachronistic Ballygowan bottle
This is the millennial bar par excellence. A haven for hipsters and folks enjoying protracted adolescence. Owned by the insufferable Bodytonic group. [1] Beards and quiffs and 'alternative' dress senses are fashionable – a good percentage of the clientele look moneyed enough to work in 'IT'. Functions as an Italian cafe until about 4pm – dogs are welcome and their amorous antics can provide prurient eye candy. An enormous beer garden is dominated by a mythical 'Big Blue Bus' where overpriced pre-frozen pizzas are provided and much marijuana is smoked. Expect huge queues at the counter and calculate an extra half hour into the time allowed for merely ordering a wretched pint or round of several. At a certain time of life one was inclined to call this one's local – rising prices have rendered it all but unaffordable. A friend of ours once witnessed a man wearing a Santa Claus hat break a chair on the head of another man who had the audacity to try and steal his precious Santa hat. Can you imagine the ructions this caused at the time?!?
Typical millennial clientele-cum-'legends’ in the old Bernard Shaw backyard
In the smoking area in early 2015, a highly delusional Sam Coll (see entry far below for the Lombard) ran into a rundown old man who a sexy girl identified thus: ‘He’s Michael Gambon’. This was music to Coll’s ears, who had spent the preceding six months blogging and ranting about his scheme of casting the forgetful actor as Jonathan Swift (and so loudly and vociferously did he blog and rant that it is not at all improbable that the actor actually heard the call), a part that would consist of one line repeated ad infinitum, in imitation of the satirist’s last days of dementia: ‘I am what I am’. (The whole thing was conceived as a grandiose kindness to a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. In retrospect, had one possessed a smartphone at the time, Mike could have recorded the line right there and then and all would have been well!)
Michael Gambon demonstrating his trademark punching technique on the set of The Casual Vacancy
But Sam and Sir Michael got on well enough initially, with the ostensible Gambon (still sporting the salt-and-pepper tash he wore for the filming of J.K. Rowling’s The Casual Vacancy) frequently chuckling and seemingly warming to the proposed Citizen Swift project. But Coll foolishly and drunkenly overstepped the mark when he chose to explain why Gambon was such perfect casting for the part of Swift, slurring saying something along the lines of: ‘He had Stella and Vanessa - and you have Lady Anne and Phillipa Hart’. [2] The great man’s face darkened and he promptly shot off. So close, so far! A textbook instance of how to tactlessly alienate an idol and sabotage your magnum opus in the process. And it was in the Bernard Shaw’s smoking area, no less, that this historic missed opportunity took place. (A melancholy parenthesis as of Thursday 28th September, 2023 - R.I.P. Michael John Gambon, 1940-2023, aetat 82. Greatly admired, greatly missed.)
But ah, poor burning shawl, your days may be numbered – too many nearby residents over the years have been complaining about the nightly noise. A recent online petition was started to save it, but in vain – it is going to shut permanently on October 31st, 2019. And is indeed now confirmed to be shut and soon to be demolished. R.I.P. (Though it will have an afterlife – the contents of the premises are to be transported to the site of the current Whitworths Porterhouse in Glasnevin. Whether it will retain the name of 'Bernard Shaw' remains to be seen. What can one say but – watch this space.) Was previously called ‘Sonny King’s Loftus Lounge’ in a former life, the signage for same is now partially uncovered.
FOOTNOTES:
[1] The Bodytonic Group have destroyed several pubs in Dublin by renovating them to resemble unattractive playrooms for adults. They have turned snugs into ‘PlayStation Booths’ and upper levels into ‘Arcade Rooms.’ All their venues sell nasty fast food, hugely overpriced craft beers and some even charge customers to play their board games. The Irish Times reported on 15th November 2019: ‘The company behind the Bernard Shaw, formerly operating in Portobello, posted a picture on its Instagram site to mark its opening in a new premises showing five hooded youths in tracksuit bottoms, one carrying a machete, another a baseball bat and one giving the fingers. It was captioned: ‘’Northsiders before the Bernard Shaw moved,’’ and under the caption ‘’After’’ was an image of two women and two men in colourful hipster gear, smiling and drinking around an electronic keyboard.’ This was considered ‘classist’ by many unhappy with the Bodytonic Group which sparked outrage by Dubliners, one of whom wrote the following: “We all know the first thing you do when you move to an area is insult the people there. Good job Bernard Shaw, you have lost all sympathy anyone north of Portobello had for you.” Here, for your convenience is a list of Bodytonic pubs in Dublin to AVOID: The Bernard Shaw, The Lighthouse, The Square Ball, The Back Page, Wigwam, Jam Park, MVP - the latter establishment being the only pub on this sorry list which may be pardoned. For more see: https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/social-media-row-triggered-by-bernard-shaw-pub-post-on-gentrifying-northside-1.4084525
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